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Ladies: Meet Your Substitute Boyfriend

This month (and a half, but that story comes later) I tried out the Vibrating Realistic — Realistic Vibrator from Doc Johnson. As usual, the toy was delivered promptly and in a normal, discrete USPS box. The box inside, however, the one you’d get at an actual store, is anything but discrete! This bad boy looks pretty intimidating on first glance as well, since he clocks in at 8 inches long and 2 inches in diameter and has some pretty hefty balls attached. This one is not for a beginner, but he’s not nearly as scary as he sounds or looks.

Use

Since this guy is molded from a cock and looks like a cock, it’s pretty much best to use it like you would a cock. It does have a vibrating tip, so you can use it elsewhere for vibrating stimulation, but I found it best to use as my substitute boyfriend when I can’t actually have him. This vibrator is made of rubber, though, so you will notice a strong smell right when you open the box. The smell goes away to nearly nothing after washing, so I’d recommend washing this guy (along with all toys) before use.

Design/Features

The vibrations in this guy are controlled by a remote that attaches to a cord plugged into the base of the vibrator. The remote can be detached from the cord, but the cord SHOULD NOT be detached from the vibrator. If the cord does come out, the instructions that come with the toy give a few tips for how to reattach. On the remote, you have several features. You have on and off, which are separate switches from the levels… a feature I LOVE in toys with variable levels. There are about seven different levels of intensity variation to the vibration. As mentioned, the vibrating part is located at the tip of the toy, so if you are using this primarily for the vibrations, you’re not going to get anything at all from the base of the toy. Oh, and don’t believe the listing online about batteries. You will need 3 AAA batteries, NOT AA batteries.

The structure is nice, too. The rubber means that this guy isn’t completely hard, though he’s definitely hard enough to insert and use as substitute boyfriend! I like the give he has since it means he’s not going to be totally unforgiving of my movements. There is also a suction cup base that works relatively well against most bathroom-type surfaces and floors. If you’re creative, you can also use the suction cup as a base to fit through an o-ring to make this a more realistic looking strap on dildo. I haven’t had the opportunity to try this completely with a partner yet, but it’s on the list.

Performance

Since this guy is a little bigger, I recommend either making sure you’re really warmed up first or using a little lube to get things going. The fact that he’s a little forgiving helps, but you still don’t want to stick or force things. For me, the vibration on the tip does nothing at all once inserted, but there is enough there to easily get me off when using the toy against my clit. This guy still feels the most realistic of any toy I’ve tried thus far, but my personal preference would be to either have a little something extra to grind against as well, or a little vibration at or near the base. If you’re the type that you can’t get off with purely penetration, this is probably not the toy for you, unless you want to add another something to the mix. As far as satisfying penetration goes, however, this guy takes top honors in my book.

Maintenance

The only difficult part of maintenance is making sure not to pull out the cord attached to the toy. It’s easy to clean with soap and hot water, and all the evidence of your fun is very easily washed away. Do not get the controller wet, however, since it is not waterproof and water and batteries do not mix well. This guy comes with his own little storage bag to keep him clean in between uses, but I still recommend washing before each use to help negate some of the rubber smell.

Eden Experience

So here’s the story I promised at the very beginning of this review. When I first received this toy, I took him out of the box immediately, all excited to have a new toy to try out. And then… Nothing. Tried different batteries, tried everything else I could think of, and nothing happened. As it turns out, Eden has a FANTASTIC return policy, and they make it easier than pie to return. Put broken toy back in original packaging (both inner box and shipping box), fill out return form online, print return label, and head down to the UPS or USPS store. Seriously, that’s it. No shipping charges, no fuss, nothing. I had my new, working toy within a week of putting my original broken one in the mail. Moral of the story: Don’t despair if your purchase isn’t what you expected! Eden’s return program will help!

Overall, this is a pretty good realistic vibrator. For those of you in long distance relationships and missing certain parts of your partner, I’d definitely recommend this guy. He may not be for everyone (if you don’t like big toys or need more than penetration, look elsewhere), but for those of us who enjoy realistic, this is a keeper.

The vibrating realistic — realistic dildo was provided to the reviewer free of charge in exchange for the review from Eden Fantasys. To see the product, please visit http://www.edenfantasys.com/vibrators/realistic-dildo-vibrators/vibrating-realistic.
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Great Idea, Awful Execution

The double dong with harness by Cal Exotics is a fantastic idea for those that like the idea of strap on play, but the execution of the whole thing is simply horrible. When I chose this toy for this month’s review, I kept an open mind. I was a bit optimistic since penetration for both of us, simultaneously, would be fantastic! Getting all of that for not too much money would be even better, but alas, sometimes you do indeed get what you pay for. We tried this toy a couple of times to make sure we got the hang of it, but still, not very thrilling. He liked it, but it’s not all that great for the wearer. More on all of that later.

Use

The use of the double dong with harness should be fairly obvious: girl wears harness with the shorter  dildo (attached on the inside of the harness) inside her, then she has another dildo to use on any other partner. It’s a strap on that lets the girl get a little extra, too… or at least that’s the idea. The shorter dildo is rather thick, so the user does need to make sure she’s aroused before inserting it. The shortness is actually a detriment here, too, since it means the dildo doesn’t stay in place very well. The harness unfortunately does not hold the dildo in place, either.

The longer, external dildo, however, is a bit more functional. It’s a great size for most people: It’s not too huge, not too hard, generally a pretty comfortable, yet pleasurable size. Over time, however, the material will soften, making it more difficult to insert or use.

Design/Features

The design is nothing short of cheap and not built to last or really even fit properly. The “leather” is rough, though strong. Don’t take the dimensions given online or on the box. By the fit description given, I should have had absolutely no problem whatsoever adjusting the straps to fit me, since they are adjustable on both sides to fit just about anyone. In reality, however, I could barely get the harness to fit on both sides of my hips, which was disappointing. One doesn’t really want to be frustrated or worrying over not fitting into things at the beginning of sexy time.

As mentioned above, the material both of the dildos is made of is cheap and will wear down very quickly. The shorter dildo doesn’t stay in place and is actually somewhat uncomfortable to try to keep in the proper place. The dildos are glued onto the straps, too, so those aren’t going to hold for long.

Performance

The performance from my end was excessively underwhelming. There was no way I was ever going to get off on this thing, especially after the frustration of trying to get the whole contraption on just right and keeping it on. From his end, he enjoyed the size of the dildo, though he said that once the material starts to soften the toy will lose its impact. If you’re looking for a toy you can both enjoy being penetrated by, you’re better off spending more and getting something of good quality.

Maintenance

Taking care of this contraption is actually relatively easy. Just wash in soap and water and you’re good. I have no idea how to clean this thing without being too abrasive against the glue that holds everything together, however. The straps so far haven’t reacted at all to water, so I’d say they are safe in water, though I’d refrain from full submersion.

Overall, save your money and get something else of higher quality. This double dong with harness is very cheaply made and will be more of a frustration than a pleasure experience.

 
The double dong harness was provided to the reviewer free of charge in exchange for the review from Eden Fantasys. To see the product, please visit http://www.edenfantasys.com/double-dong-with-harness/adult-toys-dvds-4489.
 

The personalizable vibe

The Flexi G-spot vibrator by Cal Exotics was this month’s toy to try out. This particular vibrator was unique because I’ve never had the chance to use a flexible vibe before. I wasn’t sure what to expect: Would it be too soft, bending all over, or would the “flexible” be an over exaggeration? To my delight, it was neither. The perfect amount of “bendy” made this a toy that can adjust to any woman’s anatomy, which is what we all dream of.

Use

While vibrators can be used all over, I think the best use of this particular one is vaginally. It has terrific little studs (don’t worry, they’re soft) at the base that will press against the clit and labia lightly once you’ve adjusted the toy to fit you perfectly. The easiest way to adjust the toy is to see just how much you’d need it to bend once you’ve inserted it to hit just what you want. Then pull the vibe back out and use your hands to bend it to that point. If you try to adjust the angle internally, it may hurt a little since this little guy is meant to hold his shape while still remaining adjustable. I guess you could use it anally or as a little teaser in other places, but in those areas it’s just like any other vibe.

Design/Features

There are 10 different levels of vibrations with varying intensities and patterns. The on/off and level controls are located on the base, making it easy to use and adjust. The toy itself looks a little intimidating at first, but once you touch it, you’re more than curious. The colors are really pretty (mine was purple) and the texture is so smooth. The shape just fits. It’s comfortable to insert and use, which of course makes it all the easier to get off on it.

Performance

This little guy packs one powerful punch! He takes three AAA batteries, but boy, you can feel those little batteries. Almost all of the vibration levels are pretty intense, so this isn’t necessarily for those who can’t take strong stimulation. For me, however, once I found my favorite setting, I was good to go with this vibe. I’ve played with it fairly regularly for about a month and still have yet to change out the batteries.

Maintenance

The best part of this waterproof vibrator is that it’s super easy to clean and store. Wash in warm water and soap, then toss in your toy chest. Done! I’d recommend at least rinsing before using, though, since the texture can make some fuzz stick to the shaft.

Overall, this is a great vibrator for those who know they like strong vibrators. It adjusts to you personally and lasts. The material is good quality, and it doesn’t have that funky plastic smell that some toys have. It satisfies without making you work too terribly hard for it, because let’s face it, when it’s toy time, you just want to relax and go to your happy place.

The flexi G-spot vibrator was provided to the reviewer free of charge in exchange for the review from Eden Fantasys. To see the product, please visit http://www.edenfantasys.com/vibrators/g-spot-vibrators/flexi-gspot.

In a Tight Pinch

This past month I had the pleasure? pain? some combination of both? chance to try out a nice pair of black metal butterfly clamps. These aren’t for the faint of heart! My partner and I both enjoy nipple play, but these require some care so that they don’t pinch too much.

Use

The primary use of the butterfly clamps is to clamp the nipples, duh. You can also use them to clamp skin anywhere else on the body, though they do clamp quite tightly, so choose your spots wisely. Like me, for instance, I couldn’t stand having my labia clamped with these because it was just too much of a pinch. A word of advice, especially if you’re new to clamps (in which case I’d start with something lighter, like clothespins, and work your way up to these guys), get a good amount of skin in the clamp. For example, if you’re clamping the nipples, clamp right under the nipple, pulling the whole nipple through the clamp, rather than pinching right on it. You’ll get much better sensation and staying power that way.

You can use the clamps alone, or with a partner. They can definitely be worn during sex, which adds a lot of fun to it. Tugging on the chain causes the clamps to feel like they’re tightening a bit, so it’s a great way to get your partner’s attention!

Design/Features

I love the look of these clamps. They are the standard butterfly clamp shape, connected by about a foot long metal chain, all in black. They don’t look big and bulky, though they would show under a t-shirt or something like that. There’s some weight to these guys, though. You may hold them in your hand and think “oh, that’s not so bad, I expected metal to be heavier!” Just wait until they are being held up only by tender bits of skin, then see just how light they are!

Watch out for the pads that actually hold the skin, however. There are four little teeth on each pad (two pads on each clamp) that are meant to keep the clamp from moving around. They do that job quite well, though if you pull too hard on the chain or don’t release the clamp far enough when taking it off, these teeth can pull at your skin in a very not happy way. They’ll also leave little marks on your skin for a little while (the longer you wear, the longer the marks). These aren’t necessarily bad, just something to be aware of.

Performance

If you’re looking for good nipple play with an intense pinch, you’ve come to the right place. These will also work great if you like your labia or scrotum pinched, too. Be careful, the removal is more painful than the application. Overall, however, these work exactly as they are supposed to. They clamp you tight, causing lots of interesting sensations, and the chain between that causes the weight to shift as you move keeps you oh-so-keenly aware of your pinched bits. Keep in mind that since they are tight, they do cut off circulation, though, so the amount of time they are worn in a setting should be limited. As with every other toy out there, keep an eye on things and be aware of nerve/circulation issues and all will be fine and dandy.

Maintenance

Since the metal is coated on these clamps, clean up is super easy. Wash them in warm water with soap, dry them off, put them away for another day. Seriously, how easy is that? You can boil them if you need to disinfect them, too. Since they are metal, though, I’d really stress the drying them off afterwards just to keep that chance of rust down to a minimum. I’ve used mine a good half dozen times over the past month and there’s still no sign of rusting, but taking good care of your toys is what makes sure they last.

Overall, I’d say these are a keeper. They definitely add a different spice to play, either alone or with a partner. These aren’t for beginners to nipple play, but if you already know you like having ’em bitten, pinched, or otherwise tortured, you’re going to LOVE these!

The butterfly nipple clamps were provided to the reviewer free of charge in exchange for the review from Eden Fantasys. To see the product, please visit http://www.edenfantasys.com/butterfly/adult-toys-dvds-25760.

Getting Started

Howdy all, and welcome to my toy box. Here I’ll post reviews of the toys I’ve used, some of which have been provided free of charge in exchange for my honest opinion and published review. Hopefully you’ll be able to determine what will work for you and what’s best to save your money on by reading some of these reviews.

As I already have several reviews posted elsewhere, my first few posts will be links to those reviews. While all of the reviews are on the Eden Fantasys site, only one was provided to me in exchange for a review. The rest I already owned.

If you have any questions, comments, or suggestions for things you’d like to see from this blog, let me know! I’m just getting things started and all, so things like the format and all may change as I figure out how to best convey these reviews to y’all.